Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
