Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
