ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
