Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
