Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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