well I can't set my house on fire every night
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
