I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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