What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
