just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
