oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
