Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
