Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
