he wants to bone in the snuggie
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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