the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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