i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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