so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
