There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
