I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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