I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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