Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
