omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
