wrigley field is MILF paradise
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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