i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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