Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
