Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
