As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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