hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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