you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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