If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
