So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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