How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
