I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
