Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
