My underwear smells like fireworks.
it was like eating out sand paper
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
