wat bout pragnant strippers??
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
