Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Mom said you looked used
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
