Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
