i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
