Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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