My first STD was from a foam party
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
