that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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