this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
