so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
