i just wanna soil my oats bro
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
