News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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