hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
