Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
