I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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