i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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