ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish I only lived at night.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
