fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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