Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
