his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
