i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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