so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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