Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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