How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
